The feminist movement and its sequential waves have brought newfound rights, freedoms and desires to generations of women and have left the sexes more confused about what to do with each other. In Medieval eras it was appropriate for men to treat women as if they were delicate objects to be treasured, today if a woman feels she is being treated as an object her accompaniment might just loose his most treasured possession. There is confusion in relationships. Men want to live up to standards of treatment that will make women comfortable and women want to be pampered without feeling like they are considered less capable. Society has reached a medium; women and feminists no longer live in the kitchen and men no longer live solely in the office. Men and women in relationships need work to establish a similar medium between extreme chivalric behavior and the newfound liberties of women brought about by the feminist movement.
- Forever remembered; Forever hated by some and admired by others; the forever famous and infamous, FEMINISTS.
Feminism is defined as the belief in social, economic and political equality of the sexes and the movement organized around this belief. Feminism gained recognition during the women’s suffragist movement, also known as the first wave of feminism. The second wave if feminism occurred during the 1960 and 70’s centered on gaining social equality. During the First and Second World Wars, women were depended on in the work force but when those global conflicts were resolved the work force no longer required the services of women and her place was once again in the home. With each phase of feminism women strive for different and more modern rights, the emerging third feminist wave is stirring up controversy over the goals of feminism; “Critics argue that the third wave of feminism concentrates too much on sexual liberation, to the point that it has encouraged the growth of tacky ‘raunch culture’ that cheapens and commodifies sex.” (Update Feminism)From 1930 to 1960 the number of female professionals considerable dropped and while the philosophy of feminism began during the enlightenment the “…the word "feminism" ricochets like a verbal bullet across the cultural landscape. It seems to defy any single meaning for women or men but still carries within it a world of profound social and political change.” (Changing the Face of Feminism) Whether the “world of change” the word feminism carries with it is positive or negative charge in people’s minds it carries a charge. Women have gained equal legal rights but the scars of past generations tug at women’s fears and often make them defensive and distant toward men and actions of chivalry which causes greater distances between the sexes.
- “Please enjoy the ring back tone while your party is reached.” Complicated communication. Should I call? Should he? “Momma always said…”
With changes in time come changes is acceptable communication. Sit at a table and observe what is said by the sexes; men and women speak in different languages and growing technology has just increased the language barrier. “Sex is what distinguishes the relation between men and women from the other systems of social division and inequality (like race or class) and gives unique depth, breadth, and power.” (Mysteries of Sex, pg.3) The distinct division between men and women remains; the means of communication and introduction have changed. There are now internet dating sites, chat rooms for singles, friends sharing phone numbers and blind dates; the rules of the man calling first and a date paying don’t always exist. It is often the woman’s prerogative to make contact, and in the world of text messaging and e-mails emotion is lost from one mind to another. Men and women have difficulty communicating as it is, new ‘virtual’ communication makes this boundary all that harder to move around and now while a man may be willing to call he is unsure of what communication method to use and being a creature of simplicity he may be tempted to leave the ball in the females court because he just doesn’t know what to do with all the options there are.
- Men! Can’t live with them, can’t live without them. He wants to treat us one way; women don’t know what we want. How has his world changed?
At one time it was acceptable for men to treat women in a wholly chivalric manner, as time has changed the expectations of how men should treat women have also changed. As society is becoming more feminine the man’s role in society is also changing, the growth of the feminist movement is talking power and influence away from men. (Cultures of Masculinity) Other cultures are adopting alternative methods of sharing the once female responsibility of child rearing, Sweden was the first nation to grant both mothers and fathers access to parental leave in 1974. In Sweden granting parental leave was an attempt to give equal parental rights to parents as well as economic advantages in providing child care for working families. (The Impact of Taking Parental Leave) While society was once male dominated the feminist movement has changed the balance. In the past women weren’t allowed to own land and their political influence involved the opinions they shared with their husbands. Through the suffragist movement and actions toward equal social rights the opinions and believes of women are now being heard and the man’s once dominate role has taken the back burner to shared rights; “Lurking underneath all this is a perception of modern men as, in essence, emasculated, passive, lacking in self-esteem and out of touch with the nature of their instincts.” (Cultures of Masculinity) As men work to find a place where they are able to treat women in a traditional way without offending the modern rights of women and no doubt as much as things have changed for women a man’s role is no longer what it used to be.
- Empowered or overpowering, are women making unfair accusations towards men or will men be men? There have got to be some good guys out there, but with rights come boundaries, ‘I may be your equal but don’t treat me like one of the guys!’
“The fewer barriers, the more muddied the waters. It never occurred to me that the more women aped men, in everything from dress to orgasms, the more we would realize how inalienable different the sexes are.” (Are Men Necessary? Pg.3) Physique, communication methods and almost every aspect of life men and women are different. Chivalry must change with society, where women may have once taken the role of a possession now men and women are sharing rights and that role is no longer valid. Women are as confused as men about how they want to be treated “I struggled with two competing images of the opposite sex: oppressor, and dream date.” (Changing My Feminist Mind) Many women struggle with wondering how they feel they should be treated by men, should they accept that they are delicate compared to the opposite sex or should they allow men to treat them as delicate without losing the power they have gained through the feminist movements. It is reasonable for a man to want to hold a door for a woman and even more reasonable for that woman to accept the gesture without being offended or feeling belittled. Women want attention and at the same time they feel threatened that being vulnerable will make them less capable. Mixing feminism and chivalry is like making a complicated dessert, so many things can go wrong.
- The rules have changed! We’re pushing them away and even more we want their attention, women can be scary enough. Don’t build up a barrier, being a feminist doesn’t mean making yourself less feminine, you have rights, don’t assume all men want to belittle you with their compassion.
Men have the unique ability to not get attached. Women want to be careful when entering into a relationship. Women build a barrier around themselves in an attempt to not get hurt. While trying to not be vulnerable women are likely to do the ‘random thing’ but that doesn’t work the same way. In trying to wear pants women just open themselves up to more pain; “Ambitious young women do emotional damage to themselves by getting physical- making out to having sex- with men they are not dating or may have met for the first time.” (A Disconnect on Hooking Up) Whether experience or fear women have learned that trusting men is too difficult, experience has taught some women that men are after one thing but judging the entire sex for the actions of the select is unreasonable. Believing that every man wants one thing is like believing that every feminist hates men, it is unreasonable and untrue. Every woman wants to meet a knight in shining armor who is willing to whisk her off her feet and puts in the time and effort to truly gain her interest, but in a society where women were once considered less beings than men it is difficult to believe that actions and efforts are in the best of interest of her rather than the desires of her male companion.
The world changes every day, feminism, masculinity, relationships and chivalry are all things the modern man and woman are confused about. Different ideas of how the sexes should treat each other are scattered though history and are mysteries. From a time when women were delicate and could ‘lose their flowers’ to men, to a time when women were burning their bras in the name of rights and now a time when men and women are recognizing the need for a little bit of both. Women have gained social and political rights, they can vote, own land and even choose who they marry or who will be the one they lose their flower to. There has to still be a place where a new husband has the right and ability to carry a new wife through the threshold of their door. Every relationship is different, every woman has different desires and every man has different ideas of how chivalry should and does fit into this new society. The rules are different for every relationship; you can buy my dinner if I can buy the dessert, carry me through the door if you aren’t cradling me like a baby, I’ll make dinner if you’ll help me, as for the changing sexual encounters that is something to be personal for each couple. Being the woman in a relationship doesn’t mean you should have to fight for every right, and if you feel like fighting is the only way to get respect than maybe you are more advanced than your partner, as much as you hate it… kick that pig to the curb, making you fight for your place is no chivalric action. Change can be fun, experiment with what your boundaries as a feminist and women are and find where you and your man belong. You should be as much his as he becomes yours.
Sources
Rosenbloom, Stephanie. “A Disconnect on Hooking Up” New York Times 1 March. 2007
Sullivan, J. Courtney. “Changing My Feminist Mind, One Man at a Time” New York Times 21 May. 2006
"Is Feminism Dead? (sidebar)." Issues & Controversies On File 26 May 2000. Issues & Controversies. Facts On File News Services. 31 Mar. 2008
"Update: Feminism." Issues & Controversies On File 22 Feb. 2008. Issues & Controversies. Facts On File News Services. 31 Mar. 2008
The changing face of feminism. By: Gabrels, Sara Terry, Christian Science Monitor, 08827729, 7/20/98, Vol. 90, Issue 164
Haas, Linda. Philip Hwang. “The Impact of Taking Parental Leave on Fathers’ Participation In Childcare And Relationships With Children: Lessons from Sweden” Community , Work & Family 11.1 (2008): 85-104.
Are Men Necessary? When Sexes Collide
Mysteries of Sex: Tracing Men and Women through American History
Cultures of Masculinity
“Feminism” http://education.yahoo.com/reference/dictionary/entry/feminism. March 31, 2008
“Feminism." Encyclopædia Britannica. 2008. Encyclopædia Britannica Online. 1 Apr. 2008 <http://search.eb.com/eb/article-216003>.
http://jade.ccccd.edu/jmiller/A_Return_to_Chivalry.htm, ‘A Return to Chivalry’, Terrence Moore. Published in “On Principal, Volume 9, number 4: August 2001. Accessed on April 8, 2008
1 comment:
I feel like bringing up the feminist movement is somewhat out of place with your argument. I associate the "feminist movement" with women's suffrage or the 1960s, not 2008.
You have comma splices, misplaced commas and some problems with your in-text citations. Periods go after the parenthetical. A comma cannot separate two independent clauses.
It should be "...1960's and 70's..."
I like how you set up the essay with the five points, but they are REALLY confusing regarding their usage as headers. The one that seems most relevant is the one about the phone call. I assume they are mimicking something from Cosmo or Allure or something, but they need to be a little more accessible for the reader (me, especially). Also, toward the end you limit your target audience to women. I thought you were going to focus on men, as well.
Back to the feminism/feminist thing, are you isolating some of your female audience by calling them feminists? I'm under the impression that some women don't like that term, that it presents negative connotations. Is there a way around feminism/feminist, such as invoking women, in general?
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